The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to see here now produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex continue reading this partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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