The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay males want to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be More Help sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar